Welcome to validation 101
Ever wonder why we look forward to people's compliments? I mean, there are days I go out looking fly, and somewhere in my mind, I'm hoping everyone notices and pays me compliments.
Weird or what?
It's weird, isn't it? What's really crazy is when I start to doubt that I look good because certain people don't say so.
Is it okay when people don't affirm us? Or, is there something wrong with us when they don't? We all need validation at some point it helps us build our confidence. The idea that you're seen and heard and that you matter makes a ton of difference!
A new extreme
Social media, on the other hand, has taken this simple concept of being liked and affirmed to a whole new different level. It's like a new drug; enough is never enough! We are constantly hoping for more numbers or secretly comparing our figures with those around us. Maybe on a bad day or two, there could be some comfort found in knowing that other people value us.
Don't get me wrong, like most things around us, social media is a neutral tool, capable of both good and evil. We are the ones who get to decide what impact it has on us! Validation is necessary. We all need it once in a while, but when we seek it from the wrong places or for the wrong reasons, it can become our very undoing.
Five (5) dangers of seeking validation wrongly
I. Mistaken Identity
If we depend on others to always tell us who we are or aren't, then soon we'll be nothing more than puppets with no real identities.
There are so many times we've limited who we could be because we listened to others. The truth is that not everyone knows you; people know the version of us we present to them.
To draw your total worth from partial truths would make you only live a lie! You must get to the place where your identity isn't found in other's opinions about you but in who God has called you to be.
II. Lack of Confidence or Pride
Ever had people compliment you on something about you for a long time, and then after a while, the compliments stop. Or worse, they start complimenting someone else. Yeah, that would suck, right? Especially when you build your confidence around things that people affirm about you.
Your confidence shouldn't depend on how you look or how people see you. It should stem from the place of knowing that you're God's carefully crafted masterpiece made to be loved by him.
III. Makes you dependent on others emotions
Like us, other people aren't perfect, regardless of how amazing they are. I mean, people have bad days, mood swings, and they also change. When we rely solely on people's perspectives about us, then we subject ourselves to their never-ending ups and downs. I remember when I always got upset when I kept paying attention to what people said about me. It was exhausting because they always found something negative to say.
I couldn't keep letting people determine how I felt about myself. It had to stop. I had to learn to see myself the way God saw me, even on days I felt worthless. I had to draw my sense of identity from something and someone stable, and the only person I could find the strength I needed was God.
IV. Insecurities
We have a natural tendency to compare ourselves with those around us. Ever do the same thing as someone close to you, and while it feels that the person gets tons of compliments, on the other hand, it's like you're invisible, no one seems to notice you. And for some weird reason, you start to feel a little insecure.
Sometimes when we measure our value based on how much validation we get compared to those around us, especially those who seem to get more affirmations than we do. And most times, we end up thinking that we are less.
V. Inability to identify or nurture ideas or things people don't see potential in yet
More often than not, we give up on dreams because the people closest to us never really acknowledge our talents.
If you wait for people to validate how great you are before you start something, then you may end up on the sidelines for a veeeeery long time.
I remember one time I decided I'll post a few of my watercolor paintings on my IG page. I was hoping that I'll get tons of oohs and aahs. Well, I did get a few, but my "they are impressed by my artwork" tank was still pretty empty. I've learned to do things because I love to do them; and share things to make the world more beautiful, and not because I'm expecting compliments or validation.
We all start things as beginners, and well, beginners aren't experts (that's why they are called beginners... lol). It's okay if people don't see it yet. Keep working on it, baby! And soon enough, you'll be where you need to be.
Your perception of who you are should be built on something firm. And there's only one person I know who is more than enough to see you through every difficult phase, and that's Jesus. It's okay to feel inadequate sometimes. What's not okay is agreeing with the idea and building a nest around that lie.
Every time you feel less, remind yourself of who God has called you to be!
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